Wait and see game

I have been waiting all week for today, not very patiently I might add. An absolute nervous wreck! I had to be at the hospital at 8:30AM to have my anesthesia interview, and 11 at my High Risk OB office. I had another ultrasound (probably will be having them every single Thursday), and they found that my cervix really has not changed since last week. The Doc went over a ton of risks and concerns, and here I am not getting the cervical stitch tomorrow now! He of course had all sorts of statistics to tell me. There are cases where women who have the cervix stitch go into labor right away (EEEK!!!, there are about 40-50 percent who it will work for 4-8 weeks and then they go into labor, and there are about 10% who actually reach full term with it done.
I am 2 days away from 19 weeks right now. They are giving me a lotto 50/50 chance that I go into pre-term labor before the baby even has a chance to survive.
They are able to put the cervical cleavage in up to 23 weeks. The cleavage is not out of the picture completely at this point, it is still a possible option for the next future weeks to come depending on my weekly exams with the doctor.
There was a little bit of good news, if you might call it that! I will take any ounce of positive news I can get right now!!
My cervix is not dilating.
It is not in the position that you would find on most female anatomy, it is tilted up. This may help keep the baby inside.
I can still work at my desk (for now).
So now we wait to see what my body decides to do.
I am on progesterone for this, which is supposed to help me from going into pre-term labor. All I can do is have faith that it will all be ok.
One thing is for certain, I am never doing this again.
If I can have this baby, or even if things go south, I will have my tubes tied or get on a birth control that lasts for some years.

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