Hoping for a miracle

I am pregnant, again. About to be 18 weeks. My cervix is falling short, again.
I am scheduled to have a cerclage in two days from now. 
I have spent most of my pregnancy not telling anyone, because I am scared to lose this baby. Because I am still so sad for losing my baby a year ago. 
When I got checked out this week, they said my cervix was about 1.8 CM in length, which is very poor. 
I understand what this means now, where I did not as much a year ago. 
It is terrifying. 
There is no other way to describe how I feel about this situation. 
I know that if I do not have this cerclage, my baby will die. I also know that even with this cerclage being placed, there is still a chance of another loss. 
I feel like I am living in a nightmare, a recurring nightmare that I cannot get out of. 
I will work all day tomorrow, and then Friday morning when I wake up, Jim will take me to The Baby Place at Bayfront Hospital. 
Dr. Prieto will stitch up my cervix, in the hopes of saving my baby. 
My baby that I have not properly announced. That I have been too afraid to set up a nursery for, or make absolutely solid plans for. 
I am not only terrified of losing the baby, but I am also terrified of not being able to enjoy my pregnancy. 
I still believe in miracles, and I am hoping for mine.


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