My cervix failed the baby on July 20th, and I had labor at 20 weeks. I never knew what labor felt like. I really just felt like that Pei Wei that I ate for lunch gave me indigestion. I went home from work on a Tuesday with what I thought was indigestion, and I was in labor the whole time with no idea!! I went to bed that night and couldn't sleep hardly at all, and I went to work in the morning feeling worse than I did the day before. My wonderful boss asked me if I had called the doctor that morning, and I told her that I decided if I didn't feel better by lunch time that I would call. I didn't make it to 10 AM before I ended up calling, it was way worse than it was in just a short time. I call the OB, they asked me to come to their office. The OB confirmed my worst nightmare, I was in labor. I sat there in a chair and just sobbed. I was 20 weeks, and in labor, too early to do anything to help save my baby. I had never met this particular doctor before, as I had been rota...
Where do you start, when you have been living in hell? Every single little step matters. Getting out of bed, washing your face, hugging your child... I may not be where I want to be in this life, but I am going to get there. If you are struggling, I see you. If you are sad, I feel you. If you are full of grief, I grieve with you. I could not have been able to get out, without the support of many. I believe that some souls come into our life to enhance our manifestation. They give you courage, and hope. They hold you up, and brace you, when you feel you have collapsed. They cheer you on, even when you feel as though there is nothing to cheer for. And the ones who have left this earth before us, they are guiding us, as well. They are shining a light in darkness, so you can see your way out. Heres to the ones who are there with us through the thick of it!
I am 23 weeks and 5 days along now. At 24 weeks, if I go into labor they will try to save Jack. Obviously hoping to get much farther along, but it makes me have some sense of calm knowing that I am so close to hope. I have my maternity leave planned out already, if I am to make it to my due date I will start my leave in the middle of December. I will go back to work in the middle of March. I go back to the high risk doctor on Friday. They will do a cervical length again, and if all checks out good on Friday I will only have to see them once a month. This is amazing! Between the high risk docs, the regular OB and my nurse visits, I am being seen around 7-8 times a month right now. This will bring me down to about 6 times a month!! :) Jim has been working around 12 hours per day, and has not had a day off since two weeks ago Saturday. We have so much to get done before Jack arrives, and poor Jim has been just worked to death. I feel so bad for him, but he may as well work like this n...
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